BY SEAN CLARK
.It’s been a while since we did a JABBIC! We got some of our contributors to take a look at the cover of This Book is Full of Spiders by David Wong and write us a summary of what it might be about. I’ve mixed the real book’s blurb in with them below. See if you can guess which is real, or just pick the one you think should be the book’s plot.
1. This is not a book. It’s a box of spiders.* If you open it looking for words on pages and get pissed off when a spider bites your hand, you’re an idiot. I mean, it says it right on the cover. Seriously, what did you expect? Two sequels “This Book Holds a Coiled Up Snake” and “This Book Squirts Soapy Water Into Your Eyes,” sold at auction to Simon and Schuster this fall.
*Ebook version locks your reading device into a full-screen version of spider solitaire, remaining frozen until you beat the game.
2. Do not let the title deceive you – This Book IS Full Of Spiders is not, in fact, full of spiders. On the contrary, it is full of 200 blank pages, with a short sentences (or half sentence) at the top describing a kind of spider. It’s up to the reader to interpret the writing and create the spider. Lest you think this is just an art book, however, Wong manages to weave a narrative in his short sentences, with fully realized characters (realized with your help, of course) and a twist you’ll never see coming.
3. As This Book is Full of Spiders opens, we find our heroes, David and John, embroiled in a series of horrifying yet mind-bogglingly ridiculous events caused primarily by their own gross incompetence. The guys find that books and movies about zombies may have triggered a zombie apocalypse, despite a complete lack of zombies in the world. As they race against the clock to protect humanity from its own paranoia, they must ask themselves, who are the real monsters? Actually, that would be the shape-shifting horrors secretly taking over the world behind the scenes that, in the end, make John and Dave kind of wish it had been zombies after all.
4. Ever wish you knew magic? Well little Johnny Thompson is finding out just how much mischief you can get into when you have a little magic at your finger tips. From turning a bully’s clothes into newspaper to making a teacher’s book suddenly burst with paper spiders, Johnny exacts all sorts of revenge on his enemies. But when things start happening around town, bad things, unnatural things, Johnny realizes he isn’t the only magician in town. In fact, he suspects his principal is a dark wizard…