BY SEAN CLARK

[Find previous installments of JABBIC here. You can suggest covers we should use by emailing us here.]

Four of our contributors guessed the premise of Morten Ramsland’s Doghead with only this cover image available to them. Now it’s up to you: which paragraph below is based on the real novel? The answer, and who wrote which fakery, will be posted in the comments later today.

1.) Hampton J. Beagle is among the last of a dying breed. After spending his life steadily climbing the corporate ladder at the investment firm, Dogman Sacks–starting in the mail room and working his way to CEO–he now spends his days listening to the advice of entitled MBA’s who believe they know the corporate world better than he does. When he makes the decision to steer clear of an iffy real estate bubble, and invest instead in soup, dog food, and a company that makes ascots, Many of his underlings call for his resignation. Will Hampton be able to convince the board of his worth, or are his days as Top Dog numbered.

2.) Doghead is the bizarre saga of three generations of a spectacularly dysfunctional family. Patriarch Askild is a naval architect who becomes so obsessed with cubist art that his ship designs become cubist, which gets him fired by one shipyard after another until he’s forced to move to find work. It’s also the story of Askild’s wife, Bjork; their sons, Knut and Jug Ears; their nephew, Applehead; and their grandchildren. Although the book is often mordantly funny, its dominant themes can have overtones of tragedy: World War II; marital, generational, and class conflict; superstition; cruelty; violence; the absence of love; lack of communication; Scandinavian reserve; and sheer loopiness.

3.) A man wakes to find his head transplant has gone horribly awry. He now has the head of a dog. Needless to say, his life as a lowly zoo keeper will never be the same. But the world is never as it seems, as his new dog senses make perfectly clear. A funny romp through a zany world of humans, filtered through the mind of a simple, dogheaded man.

4.) Sofie Sorensen is riding high as VP of Affairs at one of Denmark’s top marketing firms — she may not be pretty, but she’s quickly becoming known as one of the best young minds in all of Copenhagen. But when NordMark hires Sven Jensen, a former classmate, to write copy, Sofie’s troubled past is unleashed. Newly haunted by her memories of being named head mutt in Sven’s “Doggie Pound Club,” Sofie slowly begins to lose her grip on her goals, her staff … and her hysterical hypertrichosis.

5.) Gnut is an ugly man. He was born that way. But that’s never deterred him when it comes to the ladies. Except one. Sera in an ex-pat from Brussels, and is immune to Gnut’s charms. So he determines to do anything to bed her, no matter how outrageous. This is a madcap novel full of twists and shenanigans. Brimming with hilarity and just a dash of wisdom, Doghead is the best novel to come out of Denmark in ages.

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